When Silence Isn't Golden

Last week I was given a jolt that sent my mind crashing into a quote that I once heard the great Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. say during the replaying of a speech I was fortunate enough to hear:

"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

Some very dear friends of mine, who are a gay couple, were treated horribly by the general manager of a car dealership in my town.  They publish a successful regional magazine and often barter and trade with local business owners for ad space.  One such deal was arranged with this particular dealership—the dealership would exchange the monthly lease on a company vehicle for a full page ad running in each issue of the magazine, (the price of which my friends lowered in order to make this particular exchange possible).  A car was selected, they were assured the cost of the lease would amount to an equal exchange, and deals were made; however, when they were on their way to pick up the chosen car, they were called and informed that they would owe several hundred additional dollars (out of pocket) each month for their lease.  When my friends offered to pick out a different car off the lot that would bring the cost back down to an equal exchange, they were informed that the general manager was “tired of dealing with those fags” and not to bother coming in.  They were horrified and deeply hurt.  Not only was this dealership going back on their word…the man who was behind this reneging also chose to throw out a homophobic slur to, I suppose, dial up the commentary a little...for it served no other obvious purpose.

When I heard about what happened, I was enraged, dumbfounded, and hurt on their behalf.  I could not understand what delusion any person, much less a business person, has to operating under to believe that type of behavior and speech is OK in this society.  Don’t get me wrong, I believe that the freedom of speech is one of those great foundational ideas that our country is built upon; however, I also believe that when that speech is hate-speech and serves no purpose other than to wound others, then the person who chooses to use such language should expect to be called out for it.  Free speech is funny that way—you are free to say what you like so long as you are willing to listen to what others freely have to say about it…which brings us to the moment that Dr. King’s words smacked me upside my head. 

How could I quietly sit by and allow this man to get away with such terrible behavior?  It seemed to me that considering how easily that word was thrown out there, I felt that this probably wasn’t a first time occurrence.  Who else had to be subject to this type of verbal assault and was too shocked, hurt, or embarrassed to correct this man?  Why would I, as their friend, silently sit by and let this go unanswered?  Had I been personally witness to the use of this word, I would certainly have spoken up immediately--whether I knew the people it was directed at or not—so why would I feel the need to stay silent now when it was directed at my friends?  Let me tell you…I certainly did not AND neither, I am proud to say, did a great deal of others.

Two days later, that dealership experienced, what I have termed, a “Call In.”  In the spirit of peaceful protesting and the historical Sit Ins of the civil rights era, we made our upset known by calling in to the business en masse.  By “we” I mean several hundred strong.  Each caller only called one time, read the scripted statement, and then disconnected respectfully.  For two and a half hours the phone lines rang non-stop with people making the following statement:

"Hello, my name is _______ and I am from __________. I am calling on behalf of equal rights and common decency.  I believe that (name of manager of the dealership) owes (Friend 1) and (Friend 2) an apology for his crass behavior and offensive language. He should be ashamed of himself.  Thank you and have a nice day.”

That was it—no more and no less (well, sometimes less as many callers were hung up on within the first few seconds!).  After two and a half hours of people calling in from all over The United States (literally) and a couple of other countries around the world (give it up for the international callers!!), the general manager who was behind the slur heard 'round the world made a phone call to my friends and offered, what appeared to them to be, a very heart felt apology.  In addition to his apology, this man told them that he had learned a tremendous life lesson that day and proceeded to do whatever he could to try and right this very big wrong. 

Doesn’t get much better than that, folks.  Thank you again to all of you who participated in standing up and joining in the effort to make the world think twice about inequality, decency, and respect for our fellow man.  You did the right thing and will inspire others to do the same in the future.  I'm so proud of what was accomplished here!

Lessons Learned:

1.  It is never ok to accept disrespectful behavior.

2. It is never ok to NOT stand up for what’s right…besides, it makes your soul feel good when you do so.

3. Every once in a while, all it takes is a phone call to change the way someone perceives the world around them.

4. Sometimes, it only takes thirty seconds of your day to make your whole week (and then some)!

Final Thought:

Dr. King was right when he said that in the end we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends; however, if I may be so bold as to add on to that thought, I think that in the end, the friends who stand for us and lend their voices to a fight against hatred are the ones that we will never forget.